There are often conflicts when communicating with children. Parents do not understand communication skills. Parents must understand these 5-character mantras

A few days ago, I had a video with my friend, and happened to see my friend’s four-year-old child obediently playing with toys, and greeted me obediently. ''Your Liangliang is very obedient and sensible, and even takes the initiative to call people! ''

Unexpectedly, my friend sighed in the face of my praise: "Sometimes he is obedient, but you know, as he gets older, he doesn't listen to me very much now, and the two often chat with each other and become violent." Communicated, staring at each other.

Just last time when he went to a department store, he fell in love with a robot. He couldn't bear him crying and fussing. He couldn't refuse. So many people looked at me, so I had to follow him. ''In the end, my friend was very worried. Why did I want to communicate well with my child, but it turned into a conflict because of self-defeating?

In fact, after the child's three-year-old self-awareness increases, the child will have a sense that I want to fight against you. In daily communication, once parents show a tough and assertive attitude, it will immediately arouse the child's desire to resist, which directly leads to violent communication conflicts that endanger the parent-child relationship. The key is that parents do not know how to communicate, so that communication conflicts will occur.

Communicating and conflicting with children will bring great harm to children!

Do you think that violent communication with your children will only make you uncomfortable? In fact, it is even more harmful to young children.

1. The child becomes timid and humble

Living in violent communication conflicts for a long time, children are prone to personality defects and communication barriers as they grow older. Loneliness and reluctance to communicate, lack of self-confidence and cheerfulness, cowardice and obedience, rejection of emotional output and input, difficulty in integrating into social groups, lack of security, timidity and concern for other people's opinions.

The child's childhood shadow built a city wall for him, closing his inner world, and at the same time, the communication with his parents became more and more indifferent and distant.

2. Has a violent factor

Educator Suhomlinski said: Children who reprimand and educate children not only lose their ability to feel beauty, but also become merciless and prone to cruel and violent behaviors.

Under the conflict of rude behavior of violent communication, human irritability factors will also appear. Children are like a blank sheet of paper, painted with irritability and hatred of violent communication.

Moreover, the conflict of communication is emotional, and once addicted, it is difficult to quit. When children discover the emotional catharsis that verbal violence can bring, they fall in love with the twisted pleasure.

Don't know how to communicate? ''Giraffe Language'' for you!

In Dr. Luxembourg's "Nonviolent Communication", the author reminds to focus on the observations, feelings, needs and requests of both parties in communication.

Non-violent communication also has a beautiful name-giraffe language, because the giraffe has a big heart and a long neck that allows it to see far and wide; so the giraffe is likened to the giraffe language.

It is committed to letting people give up random evaluation of others, but go deep into their own hearts, listen to the voices and needs of others, express their true emotions and make specific requests.

Whenever parents communicate with young children, they will inadvertently put on the prestige of the elders and regard the children as their own appendages. When children's real needs cannot be met, conflicts will naturally arise.

Parents might as well temporarily put aside the critical language in their minds, and observe carefully, and they will find that the children's seemingly unfriendly language behaviors reflect their deepest needs and good wishes. There is respect, freedom, love, feelings of self and self-worth, etc.

Parents should follow the four steps of giraffe language to communicate with their children

1. Clarify your own wishes

In good communication, using declarative sentences to make sentences can promote communication very well. But "will" is the core content of communication. If it is not a sincere wish, even letting parents know the most eloquent skills is meaningless.

Parents must remember that when communicating with children, our most important wish is to establish a relationship with the child through this communication and sincerely solve the child's needs.

If parents choose to clarify their own wishes, they must let go of their strong ideas and full desire to control, and test whether they are ready to communicate with their children: If you still want your children to act according to your thinking, and have a strong desire to Want to prove yourself right that you're not ready.

2. Careful observation and non-discriminatory evaluation

Next, you can use giraffe language to express your first step. Parents need to truthfully and objectively tell their children how you feel when you do something. Give a few simple examples to let you feel the difference:

''You are so lazy! ''''Why are you always late? So-so! ''''You are really unruly. ''

If you and your child express your feelings after observation in this way, what they hear in their ears is a sentence of criticism, and they will immediately develop an emotion of resistance, and they will fight you to the end or remain inaudible.

Using non-discriminatory evaluation will make a big difference. You can replace it with your euphemistic observation: ''You said you will finish your homework this afternoon, but you haven't done it yet. ''''Look, the alarm clock rang at seven o'clock, and you didn't get up on time. ''''It is not allowed to watch TV while eating. ''

This kind of language is much softer, using declarative sentences to express the facts observed by the parents smoothly, and the children cannot deny it, as long as the parents tell the children what you see and hear. At this time, the first step in establishing a connection with the child has been taken.

3. Combine feelings and needs

When aware of our own feelings, our emotions can often have a powerful assimilating influence on our children. These feelings are very important, but if we say ''I feel'' in communication, it is not just an emotion but our own thoughts and states after expression.

When you say to your child, ''You are like this, I feel very angry and sad. ''Then the child will feel the same way. Therefore, after observing the statement, parents need to be aware of their own vision and the needs of their children, which is the core of giraffe language. This need links parent-child communication together.

When needs are met, feelings change. But the feelings should never be caused by someone else, and parents shouldn't use words like ''he annoys me'' or ''I'm sad to see him'' in giraffe language. It's ''I feel XX because I need XX. ''

When listening to the child's inner language, parents should also have more patience and empathy, and slowly guess and feel: "'You feel wronged because you want to be able to make up your own mind, right? ''''You feel happy, is it because your mother let you play for an extra hour? '' and other statements to communicate.

4. Make acceptable requests

When you can already understand your vision and express it, then we need to tell the child, (also take into account the needs of the child), how do you want them to help me meet the requirements of both parties. But this premise is acceptable and enforceable. rather than unrealistic illusions.

It's actually very simple:''Child, would you like to help mom pack up her clothes? ''''Mom needs to answer a call, would you like to turn down the phone volume first? ''''Can I play this map adventure with my mother? Let's solve this puzzle together, shall we? ''Specific and what the child can do.

Isn't it:''Can't you think about your mother? Selfish! ''''Can you stop lying down and playing with your phone all the time, so you can't see what you can do at home? ''Is such a comparison a bit unreasonable?

Let the love flow out naturally and meet the needs of both parties. Learning the giraffe language means learning the language of love. Parents who do not understand communication terms are actually the depth of love. If we calm down and follow these four steps, we can not only reduce communication conflicts, but also become good friends with our children. Why not do it?