Is appreciation education all about praising children? Big mistake! The correct 'appreciation education' should be like this

Once, Wenwen had a conflict with other children in the community. The other children slapped Wenwen lightly, and Wenwen immediately fought back. home. Back home, Wenwen happily told grandma what had happened. Not only did grandma not blame Wenwen for hitting other children, but she also praised Wenwen: "You are awesome!" Don't be bullied outside! ''So Wenwen is even more proud.

At this time, the mother heard it, and immediately asked Wenwen to apologize to the children, and also criticized Wenwen, so that Wenwen could not hit people at will. Grandma didn't understand why Wenwen had to apologize for showing that she wasn't being bullied.

The mother thought that the other party just slapped Wenwen lightly, and it was a joke between the children, but Wenwen made the other party cry. But grandma not only failed to stop the child's thinking in time, but praised the child instead. Blind praise makes children not realize their mistakes in time, but feels that they have done a good job. This will cause children to always be fierce to other children outside.

Indeed, proper praise of children can make children have better habits, while wrong praise can promote the development of children's bad habits and cause more harm to children. Therefore, we must understand the correct "appreciation education" in order to better educate children.

Regarding "appreciation education", parents should understand these

1. ''Appreciation Education''

Appreciation education originates from the educational phenomenon that parents teach their children to "learn to speak and walk" with a 100% success rate.

Appreciation education is not praise and encouragement, but refers to appreciating children's behavior results to strengthen children's behavior, appreciating children's behavior process to stimulate children's interest and motivation; creating an environment to indicate the direction of children's development; The child's psychological experience, correct the child's bad behavior.

2. ''Appreciation education'' ≠ praise children vigorously

Some parents' understanding of "appreciation education" is to praise their children vigorously, no matter what the children do, they must praise the children. When the child eats on time, praise it; when the child studies on time, praise it. Or, when the child doesn't want to eat anymore, you should praise him so that he can eat well; when the child doesn't want to study anymore, you should praise him so that he can study hard. Anyway, it's just praise, praise the child vigorously. And, always ''You are the best! '',''You're the best! '', ''You are the smartest! ''Wait, such words are on the lips.

Blindly praising children in this way will make them think that they are great or smart, and they will say these praises all the year round. The children will get tired of it, and it will not achieve good results at all.

3. ''Appreciation education'' ≠ no criticism

Some parents think that "appreciation education" is to praise children and not to criticize them. It is wrong to oppose appreciation and criticism. Appreciation education is to praise children for their good behaviors, so as to motivate children to maintain good habits. When a child does something wrong, criticism is inevitable.

If there is only appreciation without criticism, children will not have accurate judgments on their own behavior, and there will be no educational effect.

4. Say less about ''You are the best''

The phrase ''You are the best'' may be the mantra of many parents. They always say this to their children, but if they always say this to their children, the children will get tired of it. Say. Only say when the child does the right thing, instead of always telling the child that he is great and great.

Disadvantages of Misuse of "Appreciation Education"

1. It hinders the child's interpersonal communication

When parents' "appreciation education" is inappropriate, it will put children in a situation where they don't know right from wrong. Just like the grandma we mentioned earlier praised the child for beating other children, thinking that such a child would not be bullied or wronged outside. In fact, this is completely wrong and completely opposite.

When children do wrong things, parents misuse "appreciation education", which will make children continue to behave wrongly. If the child is considered right to fight back inappropriately, the child will feel that he cannot be bullied outside, don't touch himself, and he has to fight back with force, instead of looking at whose fault the whole thing is, just use violence directly Solve the problem, such a child is at a disadvantage in relationships.

Moreover, if the parents always praise the child, the child will think that he is really great, then he may feel that others are not as good as himself, so he will "look down" on other children. Over time, the child will be isolated.

2. Children are not becoming more confident, but more conceited

Appropriate praise gives children more confidence, enables them to bravely challenge difficulties and make themselves more progress. Excessive praise is to give children too much confidence and make them feel that they are really like what their parents said, that is, they are very good and do the best, so they will cause children to feel conceited.

When a child thinks he is great but suffers setbacks, his self-confidence will also be hit hard, forming a fragile and sensitive psychology.

3. Children's trust in parents is reduced

Parents always praise their children for being great, and the children think so. But when a child goes to school or other public places and finds that he is surpassed by his peers, he knows that he is not the best one.

When parents want to encourage their children in the future, the children will remember that they said the same thing, but in fact it is not the case. Therefore, this will also reduce children's trust in their parents.

The correct ''appreciation education'' is like this

1. Accurately praise the child

When parents praise their children, they usually say in general: ''You are the best! '',''You are very smart! ''Wait, it doesn't point out where the child is good and where the smart is. If children always receive messages like this from their parents, they will think they are great and smart, but where is it reflected? do not know.

Therefore, if you want to praise your child, you must praise it precisely, and tell your child clearly and specifically what is done well and which behavior is the best. In this way, the child can clearly know which behavior he has done is good, and he can also make his own judgment when encountering similar things in the future.

For example, if a child persists in studying for an afternoon without distraction, parents can tell the child at this time: "It's great that you can concentrate on studying for an afternoon without distraction or laziness." ''Speaking to children in this way, children can know that their "greatness" lies in being able to concentrate on learning.

2. The words of praise are exported through a third party

Sometimes the child may not listen to everything that the parents tell the child, because this most intimate relationship actually gives the child some room for "boredom". Sometimes the praise of parents does not play a big role, because the child has heard too much and he is used to it. At this time, we can use a third party to complete the process of praising children.

For example, if we want to praise our children for their seriousness in studying, we can say to the children: "The teacher called me today and told me that you are doing very well in school and studying very hard. The teacher hopes that you can continue to maintain the habit of concentrating on studying." ''Praise the child for being polite, you can say:''The aunt downstairs told me today that you are very polite and always take the initiative to say hello! ''Praise your child for being helpful, you can say:''Last time you helped the neighbor aunt carry things home, she praised you for being so sensible and a good boy. ''

3. Timely reward and timely criticism

When the child has done something worthy of praise, the parents should express their attitude in time to let the child know that they did the right thing. When encountering similar things in the future, he will also think of the parents' praise and continue to maintain good habits. When a child makes a mistake, he should not point out the mistake in time and let the child correct it, instead of digging out these things later and telling the child what is wrong, this will not work, but will make the child feel bored.

Therefore, timely rewards and timely criticism are very important, so that children can recognize the nature of their own behavior at the moment, and also have a clear guide for the behavior of entering the throat.