Don't easily stop children from getting angry, it is very important to cultivate children's 'benign anger', and parents should pay attention to it

Do your kids get angry all the time? Will you often make trouble unreasonably, cry loudly, and roll on the ground? How do you deal with a child who has a tantrum?

Anger is seen as a negative emotion. Whether it’s anger, or the anger of the child, it can make us feel uneasy and frustrated, and parents are even more helpless and dissatisfied when they see their children angry.

Facing the child's frowning and angry glare, the first reaction of many people is to reprimand: ''Stop arguing! If you do something wrong, you will get angry! ''Parents usually ask their children to stop venting their emotions, trying to use the sentence ''There is no cry! ''In exchange for a moment of tranquility.

Indeed, from childhood to adulthood, we have always been taught that we should try our best to control our negative emotions and not vent them. It is best not to express them and digest them silently.

However, is it a good thing to constantly let children restrain their emotions and swallow them all? In fact, it is not. Stopping children from getting angry is a slow-down strategy, but not a long-term strategy.

If the child keeps suppressing his emotions, the child will not learn how to properly deal with negative emotions. At a certain point, the child's backlog of dissatisfaction is more likely to erupt, and the result will be even worse.

How to make children change their temperament of crying and tantrums? Cultivating children's ''benign anger'' is key!

Why do children have tantrums so often? Do you understand all these reasons?

There are many reasons why children are angry and angry, which cannot be summed up in three words ''playing temper'''''unhappy''.

Moreover, it is human nature to have emotions, but there are often negative emotions that need to be taken seriously by parents. We need to understand why children have frequent tantrums to figure out the best way to educate them.

1. When what the child wants to do is not allowed and he does not understand the reason, he will always be dissatisfied.

In the process of growing up, the child will always have some strange ideas. He sometimes wants to climb the roof, and sometimes he wants to raise ants. These things that we think are incredible, the child will find it very interesting.

Once their wishes are rejected by their parents, the children's psychological emotions will naturally come up.

Children think that their ''reasonable'' requirements have not been met, and they can't blatantly disobey orders, so they seek out ways to get their parents' attention and vent their dissatisfaction.

The reason for this situation may be that after the parents reprimanded their children for ''don't cry'', they did not explain why they were not allowed to do this, which caused the children to be rejected in a confused way, so they always thought that they would do it by themselves. There is nothing wrong with it.

2. Under the influence of parents, the child's character becomes irritable.

The family environment and the personality of the parents themselves do not have a large impact on children. An irritable child often has the shadow of an irritable parent.

Some parents hope that their children will not lose their temper, and at the same time use the way of anger, beating and scolding to teach their children. How can children learn to be quiet in such a way of suppressing violence?

The fairy tale king said Zheng Yuanjie said: "The essence of family education is demonstration and guidance, not management. ''

If parents themselves are often angry about a small thing, how should we educate our children?

Therefore, in order for children to be well-behaved and sensible, parents must first lead by example and stabilize their emotions.

In addition, frequent quarrels between family members, discordant family relationships, or excessive parenting methods, etc., will lead to frequent occurrence of bad moods in children.

Forcibly suppressing inner emotions is unhealthy, and it is the right way to let children learn ''benign anger''

Allowing children to suppress their emotions all the time may lead to the formation of a repressive personality in the child, and unconsciously change from daring to express themselves to forbearance, obedience, and even cowardice.

Without venting, the accumulated emotions will be transformed into psychological pressure and burden, and the child may face more serious psychological problems such as depression in the future.

On the surface, a child who tolerates emotions becomes a ''good child'''''good-tempered baby'' in the eyes of parents, but on the inside, he is very sensitive and fragile, and his sense of self-identity is extremely low.

Instead, both parents and children should learn ''benign anger''.

In layman's terms, ''benign anger'' is a healthy emotional outlet, expressing one's thoughts in a reasonable way.

When encountering unsatisfactory things, children will not only use tears and roars to express their anger, but will treat emotions with a peaceful attitude and will not deliberately escape.

Adults are less tolerant of children's anger than they expected, and they find it intolerable for children's bad emotions.

However, educating naughty and self-willed children is by no means a solution that can be solved by saying ''Don't cry, don't make trouble''. When we deal with children's tantrums, we should have the thinking of managing floods - blocking is worse than sparse.

Instead of letting children restrain themselves gloomily, it is better to guide children to express their anger positively and correctly, and develop ''benign anger''.

Let children learn ''benign anger'', what can parents do?

Fluctuating emotions are like a wound. Without the process of self-healing, the wound will be difficult to recover. Even if there is no more bloodshed, once a similar incident occurs in the future, it will bring deeper pain.

1. To make children angry into a benign emotion, parents should set an example and stabilize their emotions with ''silent counting''

When children deal with emotional problems, they first imitate the way their parents vent their anger.

If a child has never seen a parent express anger, all he learns from a parent is the erroneous notion that "you must never show your emotions."

When angry, parents can mentally count for a few seconds before educating their children, so as to avoid commercial use of emotions that lead to rage and aggravate anger.

The same approach can be used in the face of a child's tantrums. When the child can't control his emotions for a while, parents can let him calm down first, leave temporarily, and then let the child come back to communicate.

2. In the process of education, create an environment for children to express their emotions boldly

An environment that can accept emotions is not only beneficial to children, but also to everyone in the whole family. After understanding their emotions and thoughts, everyone can sit down and communicate well.

Tell the child ''anger is not wrong'' and let him learn to accept and understand his emotions, it is just a most natural and common psychological reaction.

Only by not escaping, blocking, and forbearance can we start from our emotions, find the cause, know what the child wants, and how we should help the child.

3. After the emotions are vented, parents should make a summary in time and do not let it go.

Children have emotions because their hearts are full of confusion and confusion, and summarizing is to help children understand their parents and others better.

When the child is in conflict with his partner, the parent should tell him how to live in harmony with others; the child cries because he can't do something, and after he calms down, the parent should tell the child why he can't do it.

''When the child finishes crying, he will naturally not be angry and ignore it'' thinking is wrong, the child does not understand the reason and a better way to deal with it, he will not be able to do well in the future and repeat the same mistakes.

A good way is to ask the child to write down all his emotions and feelings, including the experience and the reasons for the bad mood, and wait until the next day to listen to the child's thoughts.

It is best to let the child summarize the reasons and come up with solutions, while the parents provide encouragement and support. As the experience becomes more extensive, the child is able to process emotions independently.

Who says kids in happy families never get angry? A child who is never angry is not a child with high emotional intelligence. Knowing that "virtuous anger" is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

Accepting the child's tears, listening to the child's thoughts, and guiding the child to form ''virtuous anger'' are high-quality emotional intelligence lessons that parents can give their children.