There are two extreme emotions behind the child's talkback and obedience. Have the parents seriously thought about it?
What is the difference between a child who likes to talk back and a child who does not like to talk back?
Children enter the first rebellious period of life from the age of 2, followed by the formation of independent consciousness at the age of 7 to 12, and then to adolescence.
Children in these three periods are most likely to have a rebellious mentality, and parents often find that their children always talk back during these stages, and even fight against their parents from childhood to adulthood. There are two extreme emotions behind the child's talkback and obedience. Have the parents seriously thought about it?
Children who love to talk back have a strong sense of independence, like to express their inner thoughts, hate restraint, and often show violent extreme emotions.
What about kids who don't like to talk back? In fact, children who are always silent and unwilling to respond to their parents also hide an extreme emotion, that is, blind obedience. Children who always follow their parents' wishes and are unwilling to resist are mostly ''pleasant personalities''. Such children always hope that others will take good care of themselves. Simply put, they are ''living for others''. These two extreme emotions of children are parents who need to avoid in the education process.
case analysis
Minmin has been a ''good girl'' since she was a child. She never dared to object to what her mother said. She always listened to her mother's words and went to remedial classes to make friends with the so-called ''excellent children''. When choosing a college choice, Minmin also listened to her mother's advice and chose the most popular major, but after two years of study, Minmin finally realized that her current life and major are not what she wanted. Because she was afraid to speak her heart to her mother, Minmin suppressed herself too much and eventually developed depression.
Unlike Minmin, Xiaopeng has always been reluctant to follow his parents' arrangements, so he dropped out of high school and went to work outside. Only later did the parents find out that when the child went out to work, it was not because he was unwilling to study, nor did he want to go to work, but simply against his parents and unwilling to obey his parents' wishes.
One of these two children was obedient and the other was rebellious, but neither got the life they really wanted, and in the end they caused double damage to themselves and their family.
It can be seen that in the process of cultivating children, parents can neither suppress their children too much, control their independent consciousness, nor show their authority in front of their children, which will lead to children's rebellious psychology.
Raising children can't go to extremes
Just like what Fuze Yuji said: Those who do not have an independent spirit must depend on others, and those who only depend on others must be afraid of others.
It can be seen that children can neither be too rebellious nor too obedient. For parents, education must be ''degree''. This degree is to find a peaceful zone that restrains oneself and protects the child in the relationship between oneself and the child.
To educate children, what kind of ''degree'' need to be mastered?
First, grasp the degree between the child's needs and the parents' needs.
Nowadays, many parents overemphasize their authority at home and do not understand the need to establish a sense of balance with their children. In many cases, the more repressed the parents are, the easier the child's natural rebellious psychology will break out; or the child is unwilling to resist any longer, and finally the emotional backlog is accumulated in the psychology.
For parents, it is important to consider the wishes and needs of the child before asking for it. For example, children aged 7-12 need freedom the most. They want to have their own group and spare time, and they also have their own interests. If parents arrange a large number of interest classes for their children at this time, it is equivalent to compressing the child's free space, and the child is prone to extreme emotions.
Then, parents should give their children enough choices. Since they do not want their children to be defeated in the competition, they should let their children have more self-space for training. appetite''. In this way, parents not only meet their own requirements, but also respect the children's needs, that is, grasp the first degree.
Second, the degree of emotional release.
We often say ''impulsivity is the devil'', and the venting of emotions is irreversible, especially when the child loses his temper at the parents, the parents will definitely feel the pain doubled, then for the child, the parents are angry at themselves. It's the same feeling.
When parents scold their children, they must control the ''degree'' of their emotional venting. It is not too late to analyze the child's mistakes in their minds, and then conduct appropriate education.
Third, the degree of freedom of choice.
Children's lives need to be planned by themselves. Even if the children are still young and their minds are not mature enough, it is not enough for parents to use ''empiricism'' to suppress their children's freedom.
Parents are always the ''leaders'' of their children's lives, not the ''powerful ones''. When appropriate, children should be allowed to choose freely, and children should not be overly repressed. Of course, they should not be too indulgent. This is free choice. of ''degrees''.
Summary at the end of the article
As parents, you should understand that whether a child likes to talk back is not a criterion for measuring whether a child is excellent, but the real excellence should be self-esteem and respect. The relationship between children and parents should be harmonious and equal, not a vicious circle of mutual restraint.