Don't let the 'Mother's Reference Effect' prevent children from developing themselves. To be a good mother, you must take it easy
Chinese style ''moral shackles''
China has always valued ''filial piety'', parents have the supreme authority at home, parents ''say one'', logically speaking, children do not have the right to ''say two''. This is different from Western countries. The reason behind this is that the Chinese people’s moral values are rooted in collectivism, so Chinese people have always praised the dedication and dedication to the collective. For individuals, only humility is the only way to be human. fundamental.
There is nothing wrong with these traditional virtues of our nation, but many parents or elders have misused these virtues and turned them into "moral shackles" on every child and even their parents.
This is reflected in the fact that children's needs are always lower than those of their parents. Children always have to grow up under the arrangement of their parents, and they cannot speak loudly in front of their parents, let alone resist. Parents also need to always do their duty and not ''let'' their children.
When a child grows up under such "shackles", it will form a "mother's reference effect", which will affect the formation of the child's self-awareness.
What is the ''Mother Reference Effect''?
Because mothers have always been under the pressure of "the halo of maternal love", mothers are always praised as great and selfless figures. This also makes many mothers carry "shackles" and bear the huge pressure of the family.
Under the aura of the mother, children can easily regard the mother as a part of themselves, which is the ''mother reference effect'' .
According to the explanations of psychological researchers, under the cultural background of collectivism, people often integrate the intimate people around them into their self-awareness to form a unique self-cognition.
In practice, the performance is usually: when a child makes a choice, he not only has to consider himself, but is also interfered by the mother's thoughts and behaviors. If the mother raises objections, the child will easily show wavering and uneasy emotions, and finally give up his own ideas under such pressure and choose to obey.
Fundamentally speaking, this psychological effect is negative, because a person easily loses himself under the mother's "halo" and authority, and gives up his true thoughts.
There are many families in China who are walking in such "fetters" all the way, one party suppresses, the other endures, and in the end both parties are unhappy .
Mom can't be ''Superman''
In the latest season of the online variety show "The Story of Strange Flowers", there is such a question: " Mom is Superman", is it really a compliment to mother? As soon as this topic of debate came out, it aroused heated discussions among netizens.
In the debate in this episode, there are a few more interesting arguments, here is a summary for mothers:
''Mom is Superman'' is not a restraint, but more like an incentive.
A family should not only be contributed by the mother, but the joint construction of all people.
3. The society over-amplifies the role of mothers, causing great pressure on mothers .
Therefore, in many cases, the mother bears a lot of unnecessary pressure, causing the child to be "involved" at the same time, and step by step live under the halo of the mother. Mothers don't have to suppress themselves too much, and bring anxiety into education, which further breeds the child's "mother reference effect".
What effect does the ''Mother Reference Effect'' have on children?
1. Cause the child's anxiety and tension: If the child blindly falls into the "worship mood" of the mother, it is easy to generate anxiety and tension. I am afraid that what I do wrong will make the mother angry, so every time I make a choice indecision.
2. Cause children to have no independent opinions: Children who rely too much on the authority of their mothers will have no independent opinions and no ability to judge themselves.
3. Lack of independent consciousness: There are many "mabao" in the society now, and their common characteristic is that they are overly dependent on their mothers and thus lack self-awareness.
Fundamentally speaking, the child will choose the mother as the "reference object", firstly because of the attraction of the halo of maternal love, but because of the mother's "repression" in authority. However, mothers should give children more space to develop their own self-awareness, and let children learn to be independent, so as to reduce such "moral fetters".
Don't let the ''Mother's Reference Effect'' prevent children from developing themselves. To be a good mother, you must take it easy
A real good mother should not become a "submissive person" under the social moral framework, but should learn to get rid of anxiety and escape the "moral constraints" set by society and tradition for the role of mother. As a mother, when it comes to educating children, you should be flexible and relaxed.
- First, the mother must learn to let go of some part of her authority .
Let the child, as a respected independent individual, broaden his horizons infinitely as much as possible. The mother is often a very sensitive role, not only has high demands on the child, but also fears that the child will be hurt a little bit.
As a mother, you should learn to let go of your authority, not to restrain your children everywhere, but to give your children some space to "breathe freely", so that both parents and children have time to relax, and let the children develop their own independent personality.
- Secondly, mothers should learn to enlighten themselves.
Motherly love is great, but moms don't need to be ''great'' every day . Superman can also be transformed. Before putting on the cloak, Superman is also an ordinary person among all living beings . Mothers, don't suppress your emotions too much and put too much pressure on yourself and your children, but learn to enlighten yourself.
- In the end, educating yourself is more important than educating your children.
We all say that education is a lesson that parents teach themselves. Sometimes parents should learn to demand themselves rather than their children.
Parents are often bound by traditional concepts, stubbornly playing their own "power" role, while ignoring the children's independence. Today's social background is different, and children have different needs. Therefore, in the process of educating children, parents should also correct their own minor problems.
write at the end
Guo Moruo once said that to have a healthy and happy human being, one must have a healthy and happy mother . Today's mothers are "too hard", causing themselves to be in a state of anxiety, which in turn infects their children.
This society puts too much pressure on mothers. If mothers do not adjust their mentality in time, they will easily fall into the "trap" set by traditional concepts.
A healthy family should be a relationship in which all members coexist equally and promote together, instead of one party "swallowing" the other and becoming a "false collective" that binds each other . I hope that mothers can also learn to adjust their self-positioning, and fathers should also play an active role in the family to help children form their unique personalities.