Disciplining children can't be done just by mouth, but from the heart. Parents remember this '4C rule'

Introduction

Have you become accustomed to pointing your finger at your child, taking accusations and scolding as your daily parenting routine? Have you begun to be impatient with your child, and you have to use ''stick education'' as a last resort?

Parents with more traditional concepts would say: ''Children who suffer from flesh and blood will learn to behave well''. There are also the classic four words ''good medicine is bitter'', and its application in parenting has become ''Parents and mothers scolded it badly, but it's all for your own good! ''.

I wonder if some of these concepts have been brainwashed by the majority of ''Chinese parents''? However, ''beating'' and ''scolding'' are actually double violence for children, often forcing children to have no way out.

In the classic family drama "Family with Children", the bear child Liu Xing often makes troubles. In the play, it is not uncommon to see parents chasing after the child with a feather duster. Once Liu Xing deliberately pouted his butt for his father to beat.

The common scenes of parents beating their children in life have become a lighthearted and funny joke in TV dramas. But the social phenomenon and parenting boom behind this are indeed worthy of our analysis and scrutiny.

No matter what social environment and background they are in, it seems that the daily routine of beating and scolding between children and parents has become the norm. We cannot blindly criticize such an education method. Since many parents have chosen to beat and scold, it proves that Language education has lost its binding force.

But what I have to say is that beating and scolding are the methods that parents have to choose in education. Although they are intimidating, they are a form of violence. It not only easily hurts the child's body, but also hurts the child's health heart . What parents should do is try to avoid being the one who is ''forced''.

case analysis

Tongtong was a cheerful and lively child when she was in kindergarten, but it changed completely after she entered elementary school. Because she had just started elementary school, her mother was worried that Tongtong was not as good as other classmates, so she hurriedly took her child to learn abacus, painting and dancing.

The child is a lively and active little girl, how can she learn to count and draw with peace of mind? After being criticized by the teacher, my mother became even more anxious. Every day, she would scold Tongtong, ''Why are you so stupid'', ''Everyone else can learn it, but you can't calm down day by day''.

Tongtong, who lived with anxiety and scolding all day, broke down and began to shut herself up, not even going to her favorite park. It was only then that the mother realized that her scolding accumulated day by day and became a ''big stone'' in the child's heart.

Do you really understand the invisible harm of verbal violence?

Many parents think that if they don't hit their children, they won't hurt their children, so even if they always speak ill of their children, they never notice it.

Professor Li Meijin, a well-known juvenile delinquent psychologist, once said: Verbal violence is the fastest way to destroy a child. It can be seen that the accusations that parents are always talking about are likely to be swallowing the hearts of children step by step.

• First, scolding reduces a child's self-confidence and sense of security.

Sometimes even if the child does not refute, he is quietly receiving the negative information from his parents. When the parents say ''Why are you so stupid'', the little flame of the child's desire to work hard will be extinguished immediately. , and fell into deep self-doubt.

This subconscious injury is more terrifying than physical injury because the consequences are irreversible. When a child has lost a sense of security and self-confidence, it will be difficult to restore the child to the state again.

• Second, verbal violence and physical violence are increasing the gap between parents and children.

Parents use scolding and beating to educate their children, nothing more than to remind the children, "Do you still have parents in your eyes?" '', this move is actually to show the authority of the parents themselves.

Sometimes the child sings against himself and doesn't listen no matter what he says. It seems that after scolding and hitting, the superficial problem is solved, but once hit, there will be a second time, and once scolded, there will be countless times. How should parents deal with this? endgame ?

Does violence solve the problem, or does it solve the child? It can be seen that violence will only increase the rebelliousness or closedness of children, and they are more reluctant to get close to their parents, so that there will be fewer and fewer opportunities for communication.

Therefore, when parents understand the purpose of violence and the harm it brings, they should find a way to replace the original verbal and physical violence. Since we want the child to be ''obedient'', using other methods will at least be healthier and more efficient than hurting the child.

In his parenting book "Positive Discipline", Nielsen proposed a ''4C rule'', which emphasizes healthy and positive positive discipline for children, while teaching children well, avoiding harm.

Disciplining children can't be just by mouth, but from the heart, parents remember this ''4C rule''

1. Communication

Communication has always been the most important part of education, and the process of problem formation has a certain complexity. If parents directly pick up the feather duster, they are ready to ''start fighting'', or prepare their speeches and ''start scolding'', This ignores the most important step in solving the problem, which is to seek the source of the problem.

If you choose violence directly, you are not solving the problem, but directly treating the child as the problem.

For example, if you send your child to an interest class, will your child like the popular course? Does a full course have to be called ''enriched''? Parents can communicate with their children first to see if their children don't like these subjects or if they really can't learn them. You must know that only through communication will there be information exchange and problem solving possible.

2. Choice

The choice is to choose multiple solutions when faced with a problem, and finally finalize the most suitable solution to achieve a ''win-win''. If the child wants to play games, there is no need to stop drinking immediately, but appropriate space for the child to choose. For example, it is okay to play games, but the homework must be completed and the time must be controlled.

3. Consequence

Let your child face the consequences of their choices. Sometimes parents don't have to rush to help their children solve problems, and make children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable by scolding them. If the child is really doing something wrong, first let the child guide him on the consequences of his own actions.

4. Connection

This refers to the connection between parent and child, that is, emotional connection. Parents’ beatings and scoldings can easily lead to a sense of alienation from their children. The authority of the parents is high, and the children who are not confident can only keep silent. Parents should learn to respect and understand their children's hearts, so as to truly educate them with ''heart''.

Summarize

As a parent, you really don't have to be quick in your education. After all, if your child's heart is hurt, the whole family will become bleak. Therefore, wise parents should not let themselves be controlled by ''impulsive'', but should calmly analyze and think about what is wrong with their children, how to divert their attention, and reduce the possibility of violence . Don't let verbal violence become a shadow of your child's childhood.