Stop talking about being good for the child, refuse 'emotional manipulation', and parents must learn to 'psychologically wean off'

Children before and after puberty undergo large and small changes both physically and psychologically. Many parents will find that in addition to growing taller, their voice has changed, and they are particularly disobedient. If you let him go east, he wants to go west. This phenomenon is called ''reverse psychology'' in psychology, and this period of special headache for parents is called ''psychological weaning period'' in psychology.

Many parents will think ''this is not my child''''he used to be very obedient'' and so on. Obviously, this is the weaning period for the child, but also for the parent.

Children are independent individuals and have their own rights. They are not puppets in the hands of their parents. They have their own thoughts and opinions. In life, we must refuse to implement ''emotional manipulation'' on children, and parents must learn to ''psychological weaning''.

What are the characteristics of ''psychological weaning'' children?

The main manifestation of children in this period is that they like more and more independent activities, and hope that others can treat them as adults, and their self-esteem is particularly strong.

If you still treat him as a child, it will only make them feel that you are very annoying, and over time, you will have a long-lasting resistance to psychology and opposing emotions.

Parents often say to their children ''You are still young, you don't understand'', but in his own opinion, he has grown up and is an adult.

The second manifestation is the development of self-awareness.

You will find that the quietest child in the family will suddenly one day argue with you at the dinner table over the question of "which came first, the chicken or the egg". But due to inexperience, they will ignore you for a while after the argument.

How should parents deal with their children during this period?

Faced with the children of this period, parents are also getting bigger and bigger, ''Why are they so disobedient? ''''Have to do it against me''''It wasn't like this before''The lamentations came one after another.

First of all, it is necessary to face up to the physical and mental development of children during this period. This period is essentially a socialization process in children's life. Parents should establish an equal and intimate relationship with them.

Children are independent individuals, and they will one day leave home, leave their parents, and go out to work alone. And as parents, we can't stay with our children to take care of them all our lives, it will only hurt them. All we can do is let go.

I remember the first time I lived on campus when I was in junior high school, and I had a good relationship with my classmates every day.

It was a little difficult at the beginning, after all, I used to rarely do this at home. But slowly, I will find that I can be so powerful. When I encounter difficulties, I think of ways to solve them, and when I face disputes between classmates, I think of ways to solve them.

Parents are only acting as ''consultants'' at this time. They are thousands of miles away. All they can do is to give you advice, and what they really practice is only themselves.

After this period of tempering, you will find that your child has grown up a lot, and is no longer a ''mother, I can't'''' a father, what should I do?''''This is too difficult, I can not do this''

They all have their own unique insights and solutions. For their growth, we cannot intervene, nor can we intervene.

Furthermore, during the period of weaning of the child, the parents themselves must learn to ''psychological weaning''.

Parents may occasionally complain and say, ''You followed me wherever I went when I was a child, and you took a bath together when I was about to take a shower''''You are not like this now, do you despise us?''

In fact, the child just grew up and became independent. Many people have become accustomed to the life of being clinging to their children. They are accustomed to what they do, and the children do what they do. They are used to the children saying to themselves, "I will marry my father when I grow up." I'll marry you.''Maybe you think this is the child's love for you, and it's a sign of intimacy.

But it is just a common ''Electra' or ''Oedipus'' complex. For children, the body is growing, but the mind is stagnant. Like the ''mother's boy'' in real life, as well as the children's ''Oedipus complex'', the phenomenon of daughters attaching to their fathers and sons to their mothers, etc., are also reminding parents to "psychologically wean" with their children. ''.

When eagles soar in the sky, lions also have their own time to build and lead the lion pride, not to mention that we are the ones standing at the top of the food chain.

Therefore, parents must learn to adapt to the reality of children living independently and growing up, so as to realize the common growth of both parties.

The last point, and one that I know deeply: reject emotional manipulation.

Seeing this suggestion, many parents may think that I am provoking something. How can I say it so badly?

But in life, in many families, ''emotional manipulation'' is a real soft violence that you just haven't discovered.

In this phenomenon, the most common sentence is also a sentence that parents often say: I am all for your own good. This sentence is nothing but a sentence that parents say to their children from the perspective of their past experience. It can only be said that the starting point of parents is good, for their children. But the ''good'' and ''bad'' in this case can only be determined by the parties concerned.

Many parents are busy with work and running around to make money to support the family, but they don’t know what their children need, like, and likes. They just blindly impose the concept of “I am all for your own good” to their children. Being able to understand one's own goodness is often thankless, but instead arouses greater resistance and opposition in children.

Lisa Aronson Fontes, a famous American doctor of psychology and an authoritative expert in the field of anti-violence, once fell into a period of ''emotional manipulation'' violence without knowing it. It was not until later that she found out that her ex-husband used In the name of ''I am for your own good'', he is subjected to high-pressure control and is tracked, threatened and tortured by the other party. After she walked out of this emotional experience, she had a deeper understanding of the victims in emotionally manipulated relationships, hence the book "Emotional Manipulation".

In many families, many parents feel that this matter should be like this, but you have to solve it in this way, why can't you do it in my way?

Like most of the post-90s generation facing the problem of urging marriage, many parents do not know their children's thoughts on marriage, nor do they know their children's requirements for the other half.

Just blindly believe that when the age is up, you must get married and have children, otherwise no one will want to exceed this age line.

Little do they know that it is very difficult for them to support themselves.

A sister I know worked hard in Guangzhou, but because of the tight pressure at home, she had to go on a blind date copingly.

Her mother would always say to her on the phone, "Daughter, my mother found one for you. It's not bad. Do you have time to meet?" ''''Oh, when a girl is married, we are also thinking of your future.''''Don't be stupid, no one wants a girl over 30''

Parents only hope that their children will start a family as soon as possible, but they do not know that their monthly necessities are the most urgent problem they need to solve.

As a result, her family members became more and more unwilling to answer the phone calls. Going home during the New Year's holiday, the family sat together and looked at each other silently.

Not what you think is ''good'', it's ''good'' for others.

The closer people are in life, the less they should manipulate others in the name of love. You may think this is love, but for the person involved, it is just a deformed, morbid love, and the experience is torture, physical and psychological. Fan Shengmei's mother in "Ode to Joy" and Su Daqiang in "Everything Is Good" both use this seemingly love, but in fact violent means to control their children, and in the end they just let a relationship drift away and finally break down.

Children are the hope and future of parents, as well as the pillars of society. The healthy growth of children's body and mind is what parents should care about. Children are all independent individuals with their own opinions and ideas. Parents should refuse ''emotional manipulation'', learn to wean off their breasts psychologically, and let their children live independently, autonomously and self-improvingly, and never turn their children into A puppet with no self-consciousness.