Why do children still need to be hugged after being beaten and scolded? To be loved so unconditionally, why should parents struggle

Children have their own special hobbies, such as having to touch their mother's hair to fall asleep, keeping plush toys by their side 24 hours a day and not letting adults touch them, etc.

A friend's baby likes to play with water, and in his little head, maybe anything can be put in the water to play.

When chatting yesterday, my friend said helplessly that the baby got up late in the morning, and he was already in a hurry to go to work. He had to drink a glass of milk before allowing mother to go out. dragged into the water.

I was in a very irritable mood, and I repeatedly emphasized that I threw my clothes into the water to play, and my mood collapsed immediately. She beat the baby and spanked the baby twice. The baby immediately started crying, but she reached out to her hug.

Having said this, my friend feels very guilty.

Many mothers also have this kind of confusion. Even if they yell at their children sometimes, why does he still want to hug and comfort them?

01Why do children still need to be hugged after being beaten and scolded?

A good and harmonious interpersonal relationship is a necessity for a happy life. For children, the parent-child relationship is the most important.

And in the book "Peaceful Children, Happy Parents", it is written that the parent-child relationship largely depends on the feeling of physical contact.

Children still need to be hugged when they are scolded or beaten and cry, usually because of the following needs:

1) Only feel safe in the arms of mother

Why is the baby so dependent on the mother? Because before he was born, he was already familiar with the feeling of his mother.

After birth, when I am hungry, I need to drink my mother's milk, and when I am sleepy, I need my mother's arms to sleep peacefully. The person I see the most is my mother, and at the same time, it is my mother who meets all my needs.

The mother is the closest person to the baby , and this influence has been implanted deep in his heart.

When babies are emotional and wronged, they want to be comforted by their relatives the most, and physical contact is the best (especially for babies who can't speak), so mother's arms are the best comfort medicine.

2) Confess to your mother

Babies cry after being beaten or beaten by their mothers, partly because they are afraid and wronged, and partly because they are overwhelmed by seeing this state of mothers.

When adults encounter problems that cannot be solved, they may also have emotional breakdowns and express their emotions through crying.

Thinking with the baby's logic is that he wants to admit his mistake in the way of hugging , calm down his mother's mood, and return to normal as soon as possible.

3) Calm down your emotions

I don't know if you have heard of "hug therapy", which refers to two people hugging each other, which can heal and soothe bad emotions.

When babies are emotionally unstable, they yearn to be in the arms of their mothers, which is the safest and warmest place in their hearts. This will create an invisible but magical relationship between the parent and child, so that the baby's emotions can be calmed down.

4) inner insecurity

In the supermarket, I saw a mother and daughter standing beside the toy shelf. The little girl said, "Mom don't want me" while holding on to the corner of her mother's clothes. Mom said angrily, just look at these toys here, I don't want you anymore.

Obviously, the mother lost her temper because her son wanted to buy a toy, and said the words of leaving the child.

"If you beat him or scold him, he will listen to me more next time, and he will follow me wherever I go." I believe many parents are very familiar with these words, thinking that this way their children will have a long memory.

Children who worry about gain and loss are very insecure, and their parents are their only reliance. What you say in a moment of anger does achieve the purpose of scaring the child, but it does more damage to the child's psychology.

He wants you to hug him and feel the gentle mother from before. Only by hugging can you feel safe.

02 Parents are loved so unconditionally

So, is it okay for us to beat and scold our children? Of course not reckless. Children's dependence on their parents is not permanent, it only exists in the few years of childhood.

Like I said before, now they are too young, have no contact with other people or things, and have no other options to rely on.

And our beatings and scolding will have a greater and greater impact on their hearts as time changes, so that the impression of us in their memory will get worse and worse, and eventually they will slowly close their hearts.

Don't let our "stupid" habit become an insurmountable "chasm" with our children.

Children's psychological capital and emotional capital are gradually accumulated, the parent-child relationship is the first emotion they come into contact with, and the selfless love of parents is also the emotional foundation of their life.

But we are parents after all. When they grow up and develop their characters, they may still love us, but this love is mixed with timidity and helplessness , which I think all parents are unwilling.

If you beat him, scold him and murder him, he will be very obedient and obedient, and he will not think that you do not love him, but when he grows up, he will think that love is like what you gave him, mixed with so many "impurities" , eventually turned into a loveless child.

As a result, in the future, he will be cautious and cautious in everything, and he will be wary of others. It will be difficult to make true friends, and there will be difficulties in communicating with others. He will often encounter obstacles in love.

You are so unconditionally loved, so please give your children pure love too!

There are too many examples of small things that happened in childhood that have adverse effects on children's life, just like a mother and son who once asked for help in the "Gold Medal Mediation" program.

The son is already in his thirties, but the reason why he collapsed to the point of depression, and even wanted to commit suicide, was actually a childhood event.

The teacher always beats him and his nose bleeds. He also asked his parents for help, but he got negative: you must be wrong, otherwise he would beat you. Gradually, he realized that talking to his parents would only deepen the pain, so he kept his mouth shut.

In fact, for him, the parents' ignorance and distrust are more terrifying than the teachers' accusations, so he grew up with "depression, lack of self-confidence, and cowardice".

When he was in his 30s, he was divorced, and his work hit a wall. He called his mother late at night and entrusted her to take care of the child. However, the mother hung up a few times before he could finish speaking.

On the surface, he entrusts his mother to take care of his child, but in reality he wants to get the mother's care and comfort. How vulnerable! He just wants to be loved.

03 Should you hold the child in this situation?

Many parents will say, "If the child cries, just ignore him for a while", and some parents will say, "He won't realize his mistake when he picks it up, and he will do it again next time."

"Is it right for a baby to cry and hold it up?" has become a difficult problem for many parents.

In fact, it should be held. If you don't hold it up to comfort it, it will have a great impact on the baby's body and mind.

Some babies have a relatively stubborn temper. If he is crying and you ignore it, it will only intensify. Crying and crying for too long will cause harm to the body.

Moreover, if you don't pay attention to it, the baby will have a psychological shadow, will think that you don't love him, and gradually create a parent-child estrangement.

Don't worry about spoiling the child, the most important thing is to appease his emotions, and it is a good time to educate him when he calms down. This will allow him to clearly recognize his mistakes and accept suggestions. Why should parents struggle?

04 What to do after hugging and comforting?

1) Moral indoctrination

"If Dad is not at home and you eat up these strawberries alone, then Dad will be very sad when he comes back. The family has to learn to share. When you come back from the playground, did Dad also keep some delicious food?"

For some issues related to children's respect for teachers and honesty towards others, parents must keep the bottom line in order to help them grow better.

2) Emotion management method

"We all have a little monster in our body. Every good child can manage his little monster. If he is in a bad mood, the little monster will run out. I know you are a good baby, and you will be able to manage your own little monster!"

3) Provide strategy method

"You like other children's favorite toys, so you can exchange your favorite car with him? You can't make other children sad when you get what you like."

Properly providing solutions to children will help him learn the ability to solve problems.

We are always used to accusing children as parents, thinking that they are not motivated, playful, ignorant, and do not understand their parents. However, this is all defined from our standpoint. After calming down, we will find that they are still just children.

Parents always feel that their own love is the greatest, in fact, the child's love is the purest.

You should not beat and scold your child on impulse, as the consequences will accumulate day by day. If you really can't hold back your temper for a while, you should also put down the air of parenthood, hug the crying child, and don't forget to "coax" and "teach" at the same time.

Use the above methods to let your child be loved and learn from it.

Children's life is very long. When they are young, we are the whole world. Only by watering them with the most correct and warm love can children be able to embrace the rainbow without fear of wind and rain on the road of life.