The 3-year-old child does not know the severity of the attack and always hurts the parents or other children. What should I do?

It's too vivid to say that raising children is a process of upgrading and fighting monsters, because their problems are always wave after wave.

Many mothers think that after their children can crawl, walk, and go to kindergarten, they can be liberated. However, the fact is that after a child's self-awareness germinates, various social problems will arise.

Not only will they have conflicts with other children when they are in kindergarten or when they go out to play, but even at home may hurt their parents due to improper ways of getting along.

Many parents of 3-year-old children left a message in the background saying: Children often throw toys and hit their face, nose and even legs. Don't look at people, they are really strong, and sometimes the bruises will not last for a long time. subsided. Some children always push others down or cry when they are in kindergarten or when they go out to play with other children.

Also, sometimes they seem to know they are in trouble, but next time it happens again.

I always feel that 3-year-olds are like little guys who can't control their own power . They always have no patience when expressing problems, and sometimes do some hurtful or aggressive actions, and they don't know the importance of their actions.

Some parents said that their children always hurt themselves, but they couldn't fight back to "vent their anger".

Before answering this question, we need to understand the logic behind children's hurt.

01Why do 3-year-olds always hurt their parents or other children?

1) Proprioceptive disorders

If your child is always indifferent, has said it many times and can't change it, and he can't control it himself, it is necessary to consider whether there is a proprioceptive disorder.

If a child has poor balance, touch, and vestibular sense, it is difficult to develop full proprioception by age 3, and bodily sensations cannot help him perform appropriate physical activities.

In this case, the child should be taken to a professional institution for treatment, and do not always feel that the child is rebellious.

2) The need for a sense of control

Generally speaking, during the period of 2 to 3 years old, the child awakens self-consciousness and begins to have a sense of control and wants to control his own behavior.

However, due to the unclear moral level and awareness of property rights, they have a desire to protect and occupy their own items or items they like but not their own.

In this case, once there is friction with other children or adults, children who want to take the initiative will use "violence" to achieve their goals.

3) Competitive awareness

When a child's self-awareness develops to a certain level, he will make horizontal comparisons with others intentionally or unintentionally, and want to confirm his own ability and value through specific behaviors.

Of course, for children of this age, competition is actually an instinct , and it may not have the moral significance as adults imagine.

However, if the child is usually instilled with the hint of "competitiveness", it may make it develop in an uncontrollable direction.

4) Improper educational methods

Some parents find that their children will be mishandled after hitting, which leads to a certain degree of encouragement to their children.

For example, after the older generation was beaten, they often said indulgently, "Oh, my grandson is really strong." This will make children feel that everyone likes this kind of interaction.

Or the parents overreacted, always emphasizing it again and again, but instead formed an ironic rebound , which strengthened the child's mentality of hitting.

The child will think, anyway, I am also a person who likes to beat people, so it is okay.

02What is the problem of guiding children's injury?

Before considering how to deal with the problem of hurting children, parents must first think about what purpose they want to achieve.

For example, just let the child learn a lesson, or let him know that hitting someone is wrong, and improve it.

In fact, most of the parents' demands are definitely the second, but the specific handling often manifests as the first.

For example, some parents are hurt by their child's beating, so they pick up the child and spank a few times. The original intention is to let the child remember the lesson and not to hit another person next time, but in the child's view, this is a kind of revenge.

On the surface, it seems that this is teaching children "do not do to others what you would not do to others". You hurt me, and now I am hurting you too, and it's even.

However, the matter is far from over here, revenge and revenge are difficult to offset, they will only form a set that continues to extend downwards, just like when we often say that it is time for retribution.

Parents may have also discovered that after the child hurts, the punishment is over, but then he will oppose himself in various performances, like protesting on another level.

For example, after spanking a child, he told him that the spanking was wrong, and the child cried and said that he remembered it, but when he was asked to brush his teeth and go to bed at night, the child was extremely uncooperative and showed extremely stubbornness.

This is actually a manifestation of the child's dissatisfaction with the way you dealt with you. In the process, not only did the parent-child relationship hurt, but the child also failed to learn from it. No matter empathy, behavioral boundaries, or the way of expressing emotions were not improved.

Therefore, parents must rehearse in their minds before dealing with similar things, and do not do useless work.

03 What should I do in this situation?

In fact, except for those bear children who are spoiled by their parents, most children hurt people unintentionally.

They won't realize what's wrong with their actions and the results, and they'll mostly think, I'm just joking or a casual, normal action.

For example, there are often similar quarrels between my family's Dabao and Erbao. Sometimes, when the two are playing, they hear crying and Dabao pushes Erbao down.

Seeing Er Bao crying and my arrival, Da Bao's expression was at a loss, as if he was in trouble.

But every time he would say: I'm just playing with my sister, I don't know why she is crying.

I couldn't bear to say anything when I saw his expression, so I asked him "how did you play with your sister just now", and we repeated the whole process.

When Dabao pushed me, I could clearly feel that he was using some force. I told him: It seems that it is a little too forceful. Can you be lighter when playing next time?

After Dabao agreed, I asked him to do it again, but there was no obvious change, so I asked him:

Mom felt that the strength just now was still a bit strong. Under what circumstances would you usually use this action to express a message to your sister? What do you want to say to your sister?

I want my sister to give me that toy, but she won't let go.

Well, then my mother knows, can I tell my sister well next time? Or come to Mom for help, but we can't do that anymore.

It is definitely not feasible to educate children just to reason or to vent their emotions. If you want him to know what he has done wrong, he must review the game and let him know what to do next, and he must demonstrate.

Therefore, parents are recommended to use the following solutions in daily life.

1) Demonstrate to the child what behavior is inappropriate

When parents find that the child is beating, throwing, biting, or pushing, they can take him to restore the scene at that time , so that he can feel that such rude practices are not appropriate.

After all, children's logical thinking is not strong enough to understand abstract truths. Such precepts and deeds and scene-specific review will make it easier for them to understand.

This process is best presented in the form of a game, such as we (recommended for stronger dads) play pretend games, slapstick games or confrontation games with the kids.

In this case, the child can release all the power that he has nowhere to release, and by obeying the rules set in advance, teach him how to be more gentle and soothing, such as what movements are light and what movements are too heavy ,The ____ does not work.

2) Nonviolent communication, describing real feelings

Many parents are more angry, irritable and unable to control their emotions after being accidentally injured by their children, but this approach cannot allow children to learn knowledge from it.

Therefore, we need to use non-violent communication, describe our feelings calmly and objectively , and do not easily define children.

For example: "Baby, you just threw the toy on your mother, it hurts." Don't say: "Why did you throw the toy again? You hit your mother, you bad boy!"

Only a rational, peaceful and objective attitude can truly solve the problem.

All in all, 3-year-olds already have their own minds and a desire to demonstrate power and entitlement through their actions.

Parents don't have to take this problem too seriously and raise it to a moral level, but instead reinforce the child's bad behavior; but they can't let it go, let alone let the child form a misleading way of normal interaction.

What we need to do is to tell him how to express it objectively and peacefully, and then establish a good behavior system.