It is natural for children to have ''attachment behavior''. Faced with crying and clinging, a psychiatrist gives these suggestions

It is not difficult to see such a scene in life. In the store, especially in front of the shelves of snacks and toys, children cry and even roll on the floor asking their parents to buy them their beloved toys. Some people can't bear to listen to it, and some people think that the child is very ignorant and obedient. In short, everyone has different ideas when it comes to the crying of the child.

Especially for children aged 1-3, the most common way to express their sadness is to cry.

1. Why do children cry so much?

What impression do you have on children? The first word that pops out must be: love to cry

Many times children are made of water, their lacrimal glands are particularly developed, and they cry when they disagree, which makes people always wonder: Why do children like to cry so much?

In fact, these two reasons can be summed up.

1. Express your emotions

This is from a superficial and intuitive point of view. Children are young and their language skills are not so strong, but as they grow older, their self-awareness gradually increases and they begin to want to express their emotions. restrictions, only other methods can be taken. At this time, crying, as a more direct way of expression, has become the first choice for children, and crying has become a method and way for children to release their emotions.

2. To achieve a certain purpose

In terms of indirect effects, the child's crying may also be purposeful.

Speaking of this purpose, it can be called a kind of behavioral control of parents. How to explain, for example: when they cannot complete a certain behavior because of their limited ability, they can only use crying to attract the attention of their parents and let their parents know their needs. At this time, when most parents see their children crying, they will come forward to ask and care, and it is precisely by taking advantage of this point of the parents that the children's crying has a purpose, which is to control the behavior of the parents.

When children cry, parents take different ways.

Some parents adopt the method of ''heat treatment'', which is also a bit biased towards ''violent'' behavior. Seeing that the child is disobedient and ignorant, and his irritable temper also comes up, he will clean up the child, and the child will cry, and the parents will Threatened to say no to cry! As a result, the child still cried, and the parents started spanking the child, which resulted in the child crying even more fiercely and piercing the heart.

There are also some parents who may take a ''cold treatment'' attitude in the face of their children's crying. What does ''cold treatment'' mean? It's like seeing the child crying and the parents don't try to coax them, just pretend they didn't see it, leave the child alone, and slowly the child will calm down.

This kind of treatment seems to be nothing, but it is actually the one that hurts the most. Because children are still young and lack a sense of security, they need the care and love from their parents, and because their language skills are weak, they can only use Cry to express your emotions. If parents do not give comfort and comfort to their children when they cry, and let the children cry until they calm down, the children are also self-conscious, and they cry for a reason, but the parents ignore it, for them It is a kind of injury. You will think that you are not loved by your parents, lack a sense of security and happiness, and the relationship with your parents will also be estranged, resulting in a crisis of trust and estrangement.

Even, it will cause the child to gradually become physically depressed, which is extremely detrimental to the physical and mental development of the child.

Children need to have emotional interaction with their parents, which is a reflection of an instinctive need. Only when parents deny companionship and care can children feel warm. This is also called children's ''attachment behavior''.

John Bowlby wrote in "Attachment": ''The most fundamental element of mental health is that the infant experiences a warm, close and sustainable relationship with the mother in which both parties feel satisfied and enjoyed . ''

2: What is attachment behavior?

The first person to put forward attachment theory is John Bowlby, a British psychologist. At that time, attachment theory was used to understand the relationship between children and parents.

From an evolutionary point of view, in primitive times, for the continuation of the entire race, there will be an emotional connection between the infant and the mother, plus the infant's ability is relatively weak, and this ''attachment behavior'' is required , relying on their parents to keep themselves alive.

John Bowlby rented such an experiment, let the child enter an unfamiliar environment with his mother, and then conducted various tests to observe the behavior and changes of the child in the experiment.

The whole experiment process is: first let the mother and the child enter the room together, then let a stranger come in to chat with the mother, the mother goes out and leaves the child alone with the stranger, then the mother comes in again, the stranger goes out, and then the stranger Come in, Mom go out.

Based on observations of the entire experiment, John Bowlby found that children's interactions with attachment figures can be divided into the following four types:

· Avoidant attachment, 20 percent

· Secure attachment, 65 percent

· Contradictory attachment, 10 percent

· Disorganized attachment, 5 percent

In addition to this, Psychology Bauer conducted three studies:

· A follow-up study of children who lost their mothers during World War II found that children who truly loved their mothers would have a series of intellectual, social and emotional problems in their lives.

· A follow-up study of children under the age of four who were treated in a tuberculosis nursing home found that when the children were 7 to 13 years old, their personalities tended to be more irritable, impulsive and passive.

A follow-up study of a group of juvenile thieves found that most of these children were separated from their mothers for six months before the age of five, and some children even had interpersonal problems and could not feel guilt and remorse.

Therefore, the degree of attachment of children to their parents is also different. Whether they receive sufficient care and care when they grow up will directly affect the degree of attachment of children.

· Failure to establish an attachment relationship in infancy and parents who do not give sufficient love will seriously affect interpersonal skills, and children may even have a low sense of security and low self-esteem.

0~2 years old is a critical period for the establishment of attachment relationship. If you miss this time period, if you want to cultivate it again, it will be difficult to form and establish it again.

So since a child's crying is an attachment behavior, it requires parents to pay more attention when the child is crying and clinging, and the attitude toward the child also has an impact on the child's behavior.

3: What should parents do when their children cry?

1. Maintain emotional stability

When the child is crying, the first thing parents need to do is to stabilize their emotions. Don't feel irritable and irritable because the child is crying, and then choose a ''violent'' solution. The correct way is for parents to stabilize their emotions first, and also try to stabilize their children's emotions, which makes communication and communication easier.

2. Accompany the children more and have more exchanges and interactions

When the child is crying, the parent's "cold treatment" will also have an impact on the child. If the parent turns a blind eye to the child's crying and wants the child to calm down, the child will feel that he is not valued or cared for. , it is easy to cause children to become inferior. The correct way is to accompany the parents to accompany the children to stabilize their emotions, and then try to communicate with the children to understand the children's psychological thoughts and solve problems better.

3. Help children vent their negative emotions in the right way

Children's language skills are weak, and sometimes they don't know how to express their inner thoughts, or they don't know how to properly and reasonably vent their negative emotions, so they can only express themselves by crying and clinging to others. This requires parents to tell their children how to vent their negative emotions in the right way.

After all, a child is a learner. What they need is the company and guidance of their parents. Letting the child have a beautiful and bright future is our pursuit and goal. Let us work together.